Humor | Scams | This Happened to Me

The Illuminati are on Medium

They’re coming after you next.

Screenshot by author.

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I opened my notifications this morning and was immediately stunned to discover the most shadowy of secret organizations — one even more secretive than the League of Disaffected Bakers — has decided I’m to be their next member.

The Illuminati want Me. I couldn’t be more proud.

I didn’t panic. Of course not, I know just how much of an honor this is — all I need do is contact them via Whatsapp or email.

I don’t bother with What’s app. (I have an irrepressible urge to punctuate the damn name). I opted instead, to send them a nice email asking them what would be next. I genuinely hoped I wouldn’t need any kind of farm animal. You never know with these secret organizations.

Here’s what the email looked like:

I sent the email off with much anticipation. Hopefully I can be inducted into the ranks of the illuminati without having to go further than the nearest Publix.